So I’m still in the process of ‘finding myself’. This search seems to often result in my waking up on a bean bag cuddling a dog. But while my relationship with my friend’s canine companions seems to be blossoming, my search for employment is less than satisfactory. But, at least, I can say that I am happy. And I think this feeling of content mostly stems from the fact that I am currently living in a bubble.
I’ve come to think that certain life experiences are contained in a bubble. That is to say that they seem to exist on a different plane to the real world. Take, for example, music festivals like KnockanStockan. Every time I attend this festival its like I’m transported into a new social realm. This festival seems to be governed by different social norms than those of the every day society we’re all a part of. I think its combination of consideration, empathy and genuine good will expressed by everyone there. Somehow, life becomes about living in the moment and all those pesky real life worries are left behind. But when you leave the festival, you also leave behind the ‘good will’ mentality you temporarily adopted. Hence, the glow-y, happy feeling only exists in the bubble.
Well, since I decided to take some time to myself, my friends and I seem to have constructed our own bubble. A bubble where there might not be money for rent but there is money for Dominoes. Where we might not have any central heating, but we do have Christmas lights decorating the walls. Silly little things, like lying on a bean bag listening to music, are the center of my world. Riding my bicycle makes me smile and I stay in bed after waking up just to catch up on my reading. The problem is that I have no idea how these choices are gonna effect me in the long term. Cause outside of the bubble I am essentially being a total bum.
To the outside world, all I’m being extremely unproductive. I’m unemployed yet willing to spend what little money I have on lollipops and presents for my friends. I don’t have any financial baking from the ‘rents and I’ve pretty much paid my way through college myself. I’m supposed to be respectable, working a full time job which reflects the thousands of pounds spent on my education. But I tried to do the respectable, 39 hours per week, job thing and let me tell you, it sucked.
It was shitty because I had no interest in the field I worked in. I had all this money and no time to do any of the things I wanted to do. My life became about my job. Which is totally socially acceptable. But just not personally acceptable. I do not want to spend my youth in front of a desk answering meaningless questions while slowing starting to forget what it means to be passionate about life. Which is what started to happen to me.
So, for the time being, I live in a bubble. I just hope I land on my feet when it bursts.