Yesterday, I met up with a friend of mine which I hadn’t seen in a couple of months. I’d sorta forgotten about how similar we were until we started talking about our feelings and shit. Turns out she’s going through the same life crisis I am at the moment. Which is actually the most reassuring thing that she could have told me. Like me, she’s in between jobs and hasn’t gotten a clue as to what she wants to do or should be doing. So lets just say there was a sentiment of dissatisfaction which underlined our conversation.
So as we sat on my bed making our way through some apple pastries we started to talk about how hard it is to actually be happy. Like, we went to college and had all these major life lessons either in the form of lectures or what appeared to be enlightening moments of self discovery and understanding or just during drunken nights out and now we feel like we’re in the same place we four years ago. Basically, we came to the conclusion that happiness is always somewhere over there and life is an obstacle course we have to cross in order to get to it. Which is the worst possible way you can look at things.
So I tried to think about what I think life really means to me. I’m not a religious person. Although, I think it’s fine for people to use religion to form a perspective about their lives (as long as that perspective doesn’t hurt anyone else). I mean, I kinda just think that we’re all just stumbling around trying to figure out exactly what is going on. I also don’t think things happen for a reason. Like, I think shit just happens to us and we can put it down to karma or fate but really it was just a random occurrence. For me, this doesn’t belittle the incident in any way. But some people need a purpose or reason for their existence and I can understand that a lack of one can be a little scary sometimes. I find this a little uncomfortable myself. It leads to panicked thoughts like ‘seriously, what is the point in anything?’.
However, after the initial paralyzing panic of such a thought, I came to realise that, for me, there is no point per say. Rather, I am alive because I am. I’m going to experience the world regardless of whether I think I’m here for a reason or not. And if I can improve someone else’s experience while am at it then that makes my life worth while.
When I was in college, I used to sit around in my dorm room, listening to Alan Watts and thinking about how glad he came into my life when he did. Basically living every college cliche there ever was. Sometimes, I even had a scented candle burning. Watts basically reminded me that the journey is way more important than the destination. Which is actually one of those cliche things everyone knows about but never really appreciates. But it makes me feel like my life is important because I get to experience the world and influence it. That’s enough for me to be happy. It takes the pressure off of trying to figure out the answer to the question of why and adds a whole different dimension to the question of how.
I’m over two decades old and it’s taken me this long to establish that the way in which I do things is equally as important to the choices I make.